i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
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my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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