She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I skipped work to stalk him.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
