You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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