A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
