Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
