I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
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She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
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This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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