Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
