the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
