So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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