and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
