Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
