Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
