i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
