someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
