apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
