you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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