if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
