Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
