look no pants
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
