I can text with my tongue
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize