There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
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how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We don't watch enough power rangers
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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