I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
