I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
