I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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