he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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