we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
