I want to have your abortion
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
