Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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