just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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