First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
