on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I need to sanitize my soul.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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