chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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