ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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