But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
