It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
