Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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