Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
