I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize