we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
