Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
