I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
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I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
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Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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