evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
