I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
