mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
