I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
