you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
