she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
