how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The power of my boobs compel you
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
