If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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