he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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