he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
