What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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