i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
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Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
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Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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