I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So much Jack, so little girl.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize