I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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