I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
