Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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