This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
