i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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