smell my finger.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
