I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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