the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
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My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
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All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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